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She sits next to him. He looks down. She turns to him and there is a silence between them. She stares at him and doesn’t know how to start the conversation. “Um, do you want to talk about it?”
He doesn’t respond. She nods. “I don’t know what’s going on…but I’m here for you.”
He lifts his head at those words but he doesn’t look at her. “I…” He can’t finish. She looks at him waiting. He turns to her and a tear falls from his eye. “I’m sorry…”
She shakes her head and touches his leg. “Don’t be!”
"I am." More tears fall. He looks down.
She rests her head on his shoulder and rubs his arm. “It will be okay. It will be okay,” she repeats. He cries and she feels as his body shakes.
She turns away from him and tears build in her eyes. “Please…just go away.”
She turns to him. “I AM HURTING! IT HURTS EVERYDAY! I WANT TO JUST…” Tears pour down her cheek. She lets out an aggravated breath. “Just let me give up. Please…I want to give up,” she begs.
"No." He hugs her from behind. "Please."
She cries hard. “Please…let go…let go. It hurts too much…i’m done.” She tries to pull out his grip but he holds tighter. She falls to the floor and he stays holding her.
"Yeah, I know," she says on the phone as she sits on her bed. "Exactly."
He comes in and leans against the door. She looks at him. He winks at her. She smiles. “Who is it?” He asks her.
She doesn’t answer him, she just responds, “Oh…see I thought that was happening.”
"What’s happening?" She holds up her pointer finger, indicating one second. He gets an idea. "This can be happening.." He takes off his shirt.
She looks at him. “What are you doing?” She mouths.
He goes over to her and sits next to her. He kisses her ear, then her cheek, and then her neck.
She puts her hand on his leg and then chest to try to stop him but he tugs at her shirt a little and kisses her shoulder.
She tilts her head to the side and closes her eyes. “Uh..I might…call you back Stephanie…”
He nibbles at her neck and then whispers, “Nooo.”
She laughs and turns to him and kisses his lips. They fall back on the bed and he kisses from her chin and then lifts up her shirt and begins pecking her stomach.
She giggles and he slides his hands up her shirt and looks at her. She attacks his lips.
He mumbles, “Still talking to Stephanie?”
"Oh!" She pulls back and puts the phone to her ear. "Steph?"
"Going…," Stephanie replies.
"Haha, byee." She hangs up and he gets on top of her and she laughs.
There’s a knock at her dorm door. She gets off her bed and walks to the door. “Who is it?” She opens the door slightly and stares at him blankly.
He swallows. “Beth.”
She begins to close the door in his face. He quickly slams his hand against it. “Go away,” she says mad.
"I’m sorry…" He pushes the door open wider.
"Sorry? You…Forget it." She shakes her head. "Just leave me alone!"
"No." He walks in.
She turns away from him. “Why didn’t you just say you like someone else? Why lead me on…and then just…leave?! All you had to do was tell me!” Tears build in her eyes.
"I…It’s complicated. I just…"
She turns to him and a tear slides down her cheek. “All you had to do was say the truth! What’s complicated about that? HUH! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T LIE TO ME! I BELIEVED YOU…I TRUSTED YOU…” She turns away and tears stream down her face.
He wraps his arms around her, hugging her from behind. She tries to rip out of his grip. “I’m sorry…please.”
She gets out of his grip and turns to him hurt. “Get out! Leave me alone!” She pushes him. “Don’t talk to me! Don’t touch me!”
"I like you," he tells her.
She shakes her head. “No, you don’t!”
"No, you don’t," she repeats.
She turns away from him. “Stop.”
"I do…you just don’t want me to. You don’t like the fact I accept you." He stands behind her. "You can’t believe that someone can accept all of you. That someone likes the good and the bad of you. The ugly and the beautiful. Your destruction and sunrise."
Tears build in her eyes and she bites her lip. She swallows and then turns to him. “You can’t hurt me. I’m already hurting. I’m already low…but you? I will hurt you. You will get hurt…and I don’t want that. You don’t need that.”
"Why can’t you just let us work?" He asks annoyed.
"Because you’re living in a fairy tale!"
"I’m not your princess…"
"i never thought you were."
"Amy, I can’t keep doing this." He says to her. He sits on a bench.
She looks at him. “Doing what?”
"Worrying about you! You’re so…so closed! Just when I think you trust me…it feels you close right up again. Why can’t you trust me?" He looks at her.
"I do. I really do…Don’t you get it!?"
He stands up. “Obviously not.”
"Everything…my life is so messed up! But with you…I just want you…I want to be open with you! I try to…but things are so complicated! Things suck!" She turns away from him. She looks down and sighs. "I’m not trying to push you away. That’s the last thing I want to do. I want you and I to work."
He steps behind her. “I want us to work too.”
She turns to him. “I’m sorry.” He sighs. “When everything sucks…when I don’t think I can turn to anyone…I think of you. You’re the comfort I need. Don’t give up on me.”
She lies in her bed and closes her eyes. She pictures his face. He runs his hand along her hair and whispers, “You’re beautiful.” She opens her eyes and tears build.
"You were lying." She sits up and flashbacks of that night fill her memory. He pulls off her shirt and she hugs herself, feeling awkward. He smiles at her and says, “You’re so cute.’ She swallowed and stared at him. “Are you okay?” He asked her and she nodded. He touched her hands softly and removed them from around her. He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her lips.
She opens her eyes and runs her hands across her hair. “So stupid! I’m so stupid!” She runs to the bathroom and strips off her clothes. She steps into the shower holding her face rag. She turns on the water and more flashes come to her.
They’re in bed and he kisses her as his hand slides down her body.
She opens her eyes and begins to cry in the shower. “He touched me…I let you touch me…I let you…” She tries to scrub him off of her. Scrub that night off of her. “I trusted you! I…Why? Why?” She bangs against the wall. “You lied…”
She thinks about the conversation they had days after that night. “What was a mistake!? What do you mean you wish it never happened? WHAT!?” She was getting mad at him.
He swallowed, looked at her and said, “I slept with Emma.”
In that moment she felt sick, dirty, used, and hurt. She wanted to hit him and scream but all she did was run away.
"Why did I lose my virginity to you?" She cries.
She runs outside and shakes her head. She looks up at the sky and lets the cool air hit her body. “I’m not this pathetic. I’m not this pathetic. I’m not this pathetic.” She whispers to herself. She tries to hold tears back. “I don’t do this…I can’t…” She looks down and takes in a breath.
"Laura? Laura, are you okay?" He comes behind her and brushes her back.
She turns away from him. “I’m…I’m fine.”
He steps in front of her. She looks up trying to hold in tears. “What happened?”
She swallows and looks at him. She shakes her head. “He…He…” A tear slides down her cheek and she’s mad and hurt. “He doesn’t feel the same way. And I don’t care! I don’t! I can get over it! I always get it over! I’ve gotten rejected plenty of times!” More tears stream down her face.
She wipes at her face. “I don’t get why this is hurting so much…”
"You got rejected," he says softly.
"So what!" She looks at him and sniffs.
"Laura…you’ve gotten turned down multiple times…I think…you got your hopes up with Travis…and you got hurt again. You’re lonely."
She looks at him trying to say he’s wrong. She wants to turn away, she wants to yell at him, but all she feels is more tears falling. She looks down. “Why won’t anyone like me back?” She looks at him. “What’s wrong with me,” she cries?
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
"I just want someone…I want to feel comforted and connected with someone…" She shakes her head. "I can’t stand this feeling. It hurts…"
He nods. “I know.” He hugs her and she cries into his arms. “I know…”
"Ellie, do you know why Aaron wasn’t in school last week," Amber asks?
"I heard he was sick," Carly says.
Ellie shakes her head. “No, I went to visit him. His Dad passed away.”
"Aww," Amber and Carly say. Ellie nods.
"That’s nice you were there for him," Amber says.
Ellie nods. “Yeah. I’m glad I was there.”
"Oh, did you talk to him about your feelings?" Amber questions.
Ellie shakes her head. “That wasn’t a good time. He was hurting…He was crying. He just needed comfort.”
"Well tell him today."
Ellie thinks about it and then shakes her head. “No…I shouldn’t.”
"Yes. I mean, if you were there for him and you guys are really close…I think it will be fine to tell him," Carly says.
Amber nods. “Yeah.”
Ellie bites her lip. “I think I know what class he has. If I don’t see him…I will just tell him another time…another day.” She goes off, heading in the math direction. She turns the right corner and sees Aaron but he’s being embraced by Sasha. Ellie stops in her tracks when she sees them pull apart and then Sasha kiss him.
Ellie’s heart sinks and she turns away. Tears build in her eyes and she tries to push them down. She swallows and thinks to herself she’s stupid.
"You know what some guy told me last year as a holiday pick up line?" She asks, as she sits across from him at Panera.
He smiles wide. “I’m curious.”
"If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, I’d like to visit you between the holidays."
He chuckles while she shakes her head. “You have to admit, that is clever.”
"Everything shouldn’t be about sex."
"Not everything is," he tells her.
"Share one with me." She takes a sip of her water.
He thinks and then says, “If a guy in a red suit puts you in his bag don’t worry because I asked for you for Christmas.”
She thinks about it and slightly nods. “That’s…alright. It’s creepy.”
"But it’s not sex."
"Eh," she says.
"All I’m saying is I asked Santa for you to be mine. All I want for Christmas…is you," he says in a different tone.
She meets his eyes, searching to see how serious this conversation has gotten. “Still making a list for old Santa,” she says trying to change the subject.
"Sometimes." He puts a chip in his mouth. "You want something this year?"
"I made a list."
"Ah, so you make a list too." He smiles.
"For my family! Not Santa."
"Same thing." He shrugs. "So, name something on your list."
She shrugs. “Uh…I wanted something with elephants.”
He smiles. “Figured.” He pulls a box out of his bag. “How does a necklace sound?” He hands her the box.
She looks at him surprised and slowly takes the box. She carefully opens it and there she saw an elephant necklace. Her mouth opened in shock. “I don’t…believe it.”
He smiles. “Merry early Christmas.”
"Wh-What…What can I give you?"
"I told you." He meets her eyes.
She bites her lip.